Metal Cruises & The Wacken Franchise: The Parasitic Populist Perversion of Metal (that's draining Metal's very soul!)

   One recent morning while sipping some italian roast & poking around the 'metal net' I came across Yet Another Metal Cruise!   http://www.full-metal-cruise.com/    (The cruise's website theme song alone should be enough to send you running away!) 

Is that a camera?  Are you taking OUR picture?!  Fuck Yeah!!!
*****

I certainly don't fault the bands for playing these cruises.  Hell, they could play the local county fair or flea market if it pays the mortgage.  But good Christ!, do people actually relish shelling out $2,600 (NOT including $300 in taxes & the cost of getting to the departure point) & paying around $12 per mixed drink (watered down Beck's is included in the ticket!) while probably liking only 5% of the performers, and being imprisoned on a floating bacteria barge for a week with a bunch of 'scene poseurs'?  3 grand buys tickets to quite a few land based live shows, which allows one to be infinitely more focused in their concert going choices.  Simple calculation of the base cost of 3,000 American greenbacks divided by an average typical per show cost of $100 ($40 ticket/$30 t-shirt/$30 drinking money) yields 30 live shows (t-shirt included!) that you can schedule based on your tastes in Metal vs a hodge-podge "viking metal?", "power metal", "symphonic metal", etc.  Without impugning any of the vast array of Metal sub genres, and assuming that most metalheads really only enjoy a handful of varieties at most, what logical sense is there in sacrificing 30 potentially mind blowing shows by artists you've been craving to see perform live, only to be subjected to witness act after act that you could give a rat's ass about?  Most Metal fans would only see a few bands that they enjoy, when the same could be accomplished by attending only a handful of traditional live shows at the miriad of venues that you normally monitor for upcoming shows that you wish to attend.  Makes no sense, though I certainly would defer to the axiom "To each his (or her) own", this is just one metahead's opinion. 

Always commemorate mediocrity!

Along with 70,000 Tons Of Metal (which boasts "metal karaoke" and a "convenient" monthly payment plan!), and it's ugly sister Barge To Hell, me counts 3 metal cruises now. 



Wanna hit the hot tub?  We swear we're disease free!

*****

 Whatever happened to the not-for-the-masses, narrow, precise focus of truly great Metal?   Whatever happened to cramming way too many bodies into a old, dark, beer soaked city theater or club and getting sonically pummeled by your favorite Metal Gods for a few hours?  The scent of ganja, beer and sweat all thick in the musty air.  The far too loud sound blasting through massive Marshall stacks, the combined band/crowd energy brash and obscene.  Now, metal cruise promoters suggest that you take out a small bank loan and set sail to see your favorite band.  I guess if you like taking cruises (I do not), and prefer to be given a few hours in port to navigate the awaiting tourist traps, and enjoy both your Metal and beer watered down, and you have no discerning taste in your Metal, ie; you'll stand around and listen to anything, then these tugboats of torture are for you! 

                                                                           *****

   And while we are on the topic of the insidious watering down & whoring out of the gift of Metal, why not try http://www.wackenradio.de/ on for size!? 

When it comes to Metal web radio, it's where the most god-awful "Metal" play list meets the king of bloated, unfocused European Metal Festivals, Wacken Open Air*.  Go ahead and click on the provided song request button and see a list of what they'll allow you to request!  Yes, a pre-determined list of selections from a pre-determined list of bands!  Now that's Metal!  Wacken style!  In fact, as I type this, what do I hear on Wacken Radio but muthafucking Sting fronting The Police!  I don't know whether to laugh or cry!  The Police???   Well, Stay... "Metal???!" Wacken Radio! (sigh)



We're at WOA!  Notice Us!!!
*****

In Flames!  Fuck Yeah!!

*Another perspective on WOA
                                                                                *****

   So pack up your Wacken T-shirts, sunscreen, weed (no, wait, that won't be allowed on a "Metal" cruise)... Anyhow, just bring a credit card for all the $12 drinks and junk souvenir laden tourist traps where you'll be herded in and out of on a strict time schedule, and get ready to see the same bands over and over, douche bags flashing their played out "Metal Horns" salute, and obese people doing cannonball dives & bellyflops into the main pool while other losers laugh and applaud wildly as if it's just the funniest thing they've seen since American Pie.  Until next time, metalheads, keep your powder dry and your Metal true!

TIU Cruises (FMC)

70,000 Tons of Metal

Barge To Hell

Code Red, Mothers & Daughters in Bed, & Skin That's Dead!

Code Red:
   Perhaps the most devastating, unforgiving metal omission done to myself by myself, up until recently, is the band Sodom.  Nothing makes morning rush hour driving more bearable than hot black coffee and great Thrash Metal, and right now nothing is able to tow the load, to seal the deal, to roast the turkey (if you will) for me, like Sodom's 1999 classic "Code Red".  A dizzying, because you're headbanging like fucking crazy, Thrash/Black Metal metal-morphosis that wastes no time, hitting the ground running at 120mph with "Code Red". 

   This album highlights the band at their best, blending sharp yet crunchy, raw yet precise production, with catchy song writing through and through.  I cannot honestly designate any songs on CR as "filler".  I mean, sure some of the songs are short and fast and sort of run together, but any reasonably trained metal ear can easily distinguish the songs from each other and also enjoy the excellence their within.  Criticizing Code Red for some similarities in song structure and/or tempo is akin to criticizing Slayer for RIB!  CR has plenty of slower & mid tempo songs also, for those who care.  And certainly mega-heavy, crushing songs like "Tombstone", and "Cowardice" serve to only accentuate the mind blowing ferocity of tracks like "Warlike Conspiracy", and the Sodom classic "The Vice of Killing".  Toward the end of the album you get two of the shortest, and most enjoyable tracks.  The Black Metal "Book Burning" (2:34) and the punk inspired, yet metal, finale,  "Addicted To Abstinence".

   12 songs on Code Red, each interesting and enjoyable in their own right, 13 tracks when including to cool sounding "Intro", which was taken, as usual, from the movie, "Full Metal Jacket".

   This album is so spectacular that each time I listen, after the first 6  blisteringly awesome songs, I always look forward to the remaining 6 metal goodies on the menu!  Never wanting to skip a single track!  And the ultimate acid test: looking forward to the morning rush!
IMOV Rating: 9.9999999999.....                 Code Red (full album): (listen then buy it!)
Metal Storm - review
Sputnik Music - review
Deadtide - review
Amazon.com - Code Red

                                                                                     *****

Mothers & Daughters in Bed:
   Another (the 2nd?) porn review on IMOV in the first nearly 10 months, and a brief one at that.  So don't go getting religion or anything over there at the Google bunker, this ain't no smut blog!  That said...  For some odd reason I find it difficult, and super time consuming to view the entirety of a good porn movie.  Take this one for instance.  Mother Daughter Exchange Club #23 .   I've "watched" it several times, but in truth have seen maybe 15-20 mins of it's 90min plus length.  Not sure why this is the case.  I just seem to get drowsy and uninterested after being really into the movie for a few minutes!?  Hmm?  Maybe been hitting the hay a bit too late?  Probably.

   I think the plot centers around these two moms, who are real good friends, helping one another prepare their teen aged daughters to be sent off to college.  Lots of heart warming, feel good, 'LMN  movie of the week' type female bonding here, large breast vs small breast style!  It's surely not for everybody though.  All I know is the portions I've watched are really compelling.  So if you're in the mood for some light, wholesome family drama, be sure to Check It Out!.  
IMDb: MDEC#23
Girlfriends Films

*****

                                                                       
Skin That's Dead:
   Necrotizing Fasciitis.  (Necrotizing Fasciitis - wiki)  Ever heard of it?  Me neither.  Until a member of one of Metal's all time greatest bands recently became afflicted with it, anyway.  Slayer lead guitarist Jeff Hanneman has been battling the affliction, the victim of an apparent spider bite for a year and a half now...
Jeff Hanneman Hospitalized- The Gauntlet.com
"There was talk that he might have to have his arm amputated"-Slayer.net



Gary Holt of Exodus temporarily filling in for Hanneman- The Gauntlet.com
Cannibal Corpse guitarist stepping in for Hanneman- The Gauntlet.com
Jeff Hanneman returns to Slayer!- The Gauntlet.com
Jeff Hanneman still rehabbing- The Gauntlet.com

So awesome of Mr.'s Holt and O'Brien for pulling so much needed fill-in duty, expertly aiding in keeping the mighty, yet damaged Slayer ship not only afloat, but sailing full steam ahead!...

                                        
Pat O'Brien - Encyclopaedia Metallum
Dave Mustaine weighs in- Bravewords.com
Jeff Hanneman returns... to BIG 4!- Bravewords.com
Jeff Hanneman free of 'flesh-eating' disease- Gibson.com

(zimbio.com)
*****
(2012 IMOV)

  

Teutonic Terror 2012: Columbus, Oh (9/14/12)

   I had eagerly anticipated this show for months, as I've been a rabid Kreator all my Metal life and was an Accept fan back in the 80's, having a preference for 1982's "Restless & Wild".  And though I've heard the Teutonic pairing described as a "co-headlining" affair, and Kreator did close the show, Accept were in no mood to play second fiddle on this night.  In fact, the entire evening yielded no evidence of a single fiddle.  Accept hit the stage with a fantastic, blistering version of "Hung, Drawn, and Quartered" that immediately set the tone for their entire set that evening.  If anyone in attendance had any prior questions about 2012 Accept, those questions were instantly answered. Powerful, intense, tight, professional, passionate, and hungry are all adjectives that accurately describe modern day Accept, be it in the studio or on the stage.

   Vocalist Mark Tornillo's gravel texture voice has the uncanny ability to evoke a metalhead's memories of AC/DC's Brian Johnson one moment and Priest's Rob Halford the next.  A roundabout way of saying that Mr. Tornillo has great vocal range.  Also worth noting about Tornillo would be his strong delivery, which never wavered throughout Accept's set.  As a fan of Accept's former singer Udo Dirkschnider, I've come to the conclusion that Tornillo is in no way a downgrade and may actually be my favorite of the two.

   Accept rarely paused to let the audience catch their breath, powering their way through much of their newest material; Hellfire, Stalingrad, Pandemic, Bucket Full of Hate, & Teutonic Terror while deftly mixing in older classics such as Restless and Wild, Losers and Winners, Breaker, Princess of the Dawn, Up to the Limit, Metal Heart, and finishing their set with staples Fast as a Shark, & Balls to the Wall.  Each song was executed with precision and passion, and the crowd was in a continuous state of attentive, fever pitch excitement throughout.  I was down in front, 3rd or 4th row, and as thorough as their set was, I was nowhere near done with Accept for the evening though they were indeed finished for the night.  You know a performance was great when feel like you haven't had/can't get enough.
Bravo to Accept and a special thanks to their sound man/people, as this show was among the very best sounding live performances I've heard.  No doubt that whenever Accept perform anywhere nearby again, I'll strive to be there!

Accept - Wiki
Accept - official
Accept - Facebook

                                                                                    *****
And then came Kreator!  Mille Petrozza, flanked by bassist Christian "Speesy" Giesler to his right and guitarist Sami Yli-Sirnio to his left and backed by drummer Jurgen "Ventor" Reil were, as usual, spot on from the first fantastic notes of their opener Phantom Antichrist all the way thru to the furious two-headed finale of Flag of Hate/Tormentor. 

   Once again the between song banter was little to none as Accept's German brethren were also all business.   Leading off with their current opus' title track, masterfully cranking out brand new songs; From Flood Into Fire, Civilization Collapse, & Death to the World, title tracks to their other most recent releases; Hordes of Chaos, Enemy of God, & Violent Revolution, and of course the long standing crowd favorite live staples; Phobia, People of the Lie, Pleasure to Kill, & Betrayer as well as a few other Kreator greats. (note to self: maybe don't worry so much about standing front & center in the "#1" spot right in front of the singer all night next time, considering the physical abuse you have to endure.  Two days later and I feel like I've been trampled by moose.  **Pics of me bruised ribs at very bottom of post.)

   My compadres for the evening, the aforementioned Lexington Metal Connection seemed to think Kreator was "too loud", whatever that means.  I'm not sure how it sounded from way back and off to the side with the feeble and the cocktail tables, but down in the pit they sounded perfect!  Both bands played and sounded amazing, but truth be told, Accept was the "belle of the ball" tonight.  I theorize that their style of "heavy" metal is more easily ingested for most than Kreator's extreme style "thrash" metal, and their overall sound may have been a little "cleaner" due to various factors, including music style.  Whatever the case, Teutonic Terror 2012 is a fantastic show that every metalhead should strive to see!

Teutonic Terror 2012 Tour Dates

Kreator - Facebook

*IMOV gives a shout out to it's new Columbus friends, "Kreator Gene", "Priest Hogan" and "Metal Melissa" (IMOV'S newest guest coorespondent!)

** Shot to the Ribs!!!

 The Wages of Metal...

2012 IMOV





"Dreams of my Real Father" ... and what's even more frightening

Review: "Dreams from My Real Father: A Story of Reds and Deception" (2012)  

Wow!  What an intense 95 mins of viewing 'pleasure'(?) I experienced today via director Joel Gilbert's masterful, quite plausible, and ultimately frightening connect-the-dots depiction of President Barack Obama's rise to power through many foggy, questionable channels all the while aided by a cadre of sordid, even sinister handlers each doing their part, however big or small, for the cause.  And what was this "cause"?  Why the systematic overthrow of the American capitalist free enterprise system by those forces favoring an all-powerful, centralized, collectivist, authoritative government very much in the mold of Stalin's Soviet Union or Mao's Red China of course!
   An amazing case is made that President Obama's real father, and mentor, is not a goat herder from Kenya but in fact a real-life-communist-manifesto-carrying communist!  Through a dizzying whirlwind of data, supported by related documents, publications, photos, etc., Gilbert skillfully paints a portrait of President Obama's ascendancy that is simultaneously illuminating and frightening (assuming you don't support a communist overthrow of the good ol' US of A).  The well laid out plans of a multi-generational gaggle of Marxists are detailed as their interweavings bestow upon a young Barack Obama a myriad of open doors and free passes, through influence and dark dealings, eventually landing Him, and their dreams of an end to American Capitalism in the seat of power in the free world.

 A spectacular, thrilling, data-rich, modern day political documentary.  After viewing which I'm absolutely certain that the most alarming part of the whole story isn't the ongoing communist plot to overtake the USA, but the abject failure our press/media to merely address the otherwise obvious questions surrounding our current Commander in Chief and his meteoric rise to power.  The current incestuous nature of mainstream American press and it's galling love affair with the Obama Administration, may be the downfall of free civilization as we currently know it.

http://www.obamasrealfather.com/

                                                     amazon.com/Dreams from My Real Father